Trust in the Unknown

“My darling, if we knew what life has in store for us what would be the point of living it.”

My grandma shared this wisdom with me a few years ago, and it was a timely reminder for me to surrender during what was a dark time in my life. A time in my life when I was in the depths of the struggle to conceive a child via IVF treatment. A time when I so desperately wanted to know that I would one day become a mum. I had many demands of the universe around the when I would become a mum, and experienced very little peace in my life as a result.

After hearing these words from my Grandma, I became more conscious of the concept that resided behind this statement, the concept of Surrendering to the unknown. I slowly began to surrender to the unknown, and trust me this is a constant practice in my life. I don’t do it perfectly, and sometimes I still try to push and control things. But, I’m more aware now that there is a more peaceful way to live.

Surrendering involves a great amount of trust, and acceptance. It is not dissonance or resigning yourself to unhappy or unhelpful situations and experience. It is the acceptance of what was, and the learnings that come for experiencing life, taking conscious actions towards what you desire and then allowing it without the struggling. I say struggle not sacrifice, all that we desire comes with some form of sacrifice or choice as I prefer to call it. Surrendering isn’t about just wishing for something and waiting for it to come without any form of conscious action.

Surrendering is the step that comes after you take the action towards what you desire, It is the step of allowing and not forcing. It is the step that comes after you do the hard work, it is essentially the rest. Rest is an essential ingredient to surrender. When we do all that is required to be done, we must take rest. If we continually force and work without purpose, then we will lead ourselves down a path of resistance and that will manifest into burnout.

Here are some simple and helpful practices that I use to embrace the art of surrender in my everyday life:

1. Willing hands. Plant your feet firmly on the floor, feet hip width apart, arms down by your side and palms facing forward. This is the posture of surrender. Your body is release tension and giving over the uncertainty. Essentially you are saying I trust and I allow with your body.

2. Ground through nature. Being grounded is of great importance in the art of surrender. Spend time in nature just being and flowing.

3. Slow down and accept the present moment. Focus on your breath (breathing as though you are breathing through your heart), focus on your surroundings (the sound, the smells), bring awareness to each part of your body, day dream and look up in the sky.

From my heart to yours,

Krista

Heart-led Womanhood: Choosing Freedom

Just because you have a right doesn’t mean its right for you.

I know it might seem cliché to start a sentence with "lately, I’ve been thinking," but it’s the only fitting start that I can muster, so here I go. Lately, I have been thinking (most definitely too much) about what it means to be a mother and a woman in today's world. I've been reflecting on my own feelings about my current circumstances and those of other women I know and love. I'm aware that I’m not alone in this introspection.

With the expansion of women’s rights in the Western world, we are now faced with the reality of assuming multiple identities in a paradigm largely constructed by men. While some of us have greater rights than we did in the 19th and 20th centuries, I wonder if we actually feel the freedom that should come with this greater equality. I am certainly not squandering or downplaying the women’s rights movement, and all the momentum we have gained due to the efforts of many badass and courageous women, such as Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Emmeline Pankhurst, and more recently Gloria Steinem. I think rights are instrumental in creating equal conditions and fairness. The concept of freedom has surfaced for me lately. Freedom entails the power or right to act, speak, or think as one desires. Both rights and freedoms are necessary to live a harmonious life, yet I’ve discovered recently that freedom is a powerful place to be.

Having separated from my partner and the father of my son a year ago, I find myself at one of the most confronting experiences of my life. I am now primarily a solo mum. The phrase and its association feel unfamiliar, even somewhat out of place. While I have many people in my life who love and support me (for which I’m incredibly grateful), parenting as a single parent living separately is vastly different from parenting whilst cohabiting as a couple. The association feels unfamiliar because I am aware that many women are also effectively solo mothers while living with a spouse. I’m also aware that there are solo mothers who are completely on their own, and doing it all 24/7 with little to no support. To those women, I send you so much love.

I’ve discovered like women solo mums come with many different circumstances and challenges, there are many different intersections of that shared titled. That is why it feels so out of place to me.

As my son and I gradually move closer to my family, I am feeling the discomfort of this transition and the change it brings for us all. Although I have longed for this change, like any transition, it comes with its own set of hurdles. I have much to express about those hurdles, yet articulating the feelings that come with it is just as challenging as experiencing them.

Often, my thoughts and emotions are met with great polarities and contradictions. For instance, my son's father, now a dear friend and coparent, offered to have our son for a weekend to give me a "break," but I feared this would literally "break" me. I don’t want to be apart from him; he brings with him immense joy, and as I work full-time I really cherish the limited time we have together. Yet, my body yearns to naturally wake up on its own accord one weekend morning, not before 6am, and without the sound of a toddler calling out "mumma, mumma." My soul, however, desires nothing more than that experience. I waited years for such a pleasure, but I also find myself terribly exhausted at times.

What's the solution? Should I simply shift my perspective and accept exhaustion as a temporary phase of my life, or should I allow my two-year-old to spend a few days with his father once a fortnight?

Interestingly, while his father has enjoyed a few long weekends to himself as we trial our new living arrangement, he is rested and rejuvenated; in return, he is more patient and grounded with our son. Meanwhile, I find myself tired and irritable from the sheer weight of it all. My son isn’t receiving the best of me, and I'm not giving my best self either. We both deserve better. But is the only solution for him and me to be physically apart?

I’ve discovered that it is. This is the reality that comes with the choice we made to separate. It's one of the toughest decisions I've faced. Like many choices in my life, this decision was made with great deliberation, consideration, and intention, but above all, it was fuelled by love and guided by my heart. Therefore, the only sensible resolution to address my exhaustion, a sentiment shared by many women in my circle, not solely mothers, is to return to love and follow the wisdom of my heart. After a few weeks of intentional heart coherence practices, whereby I focused on generating a new perspective and calling in my hearts wisdom, the result was for me to prioritise my physical need for sleep and rest above, while also fulfilling my son and his papa’s needs to bond with one another. Though the prospect of being apart from my beautiful boy for a few nights every so often evokes sorrow, it will afford me the rest necessary to be a better mother and my son and his father to maintain a stronger relationship.

While it may be within my legal right to have full-time custody of my son until he is three years old, I have made the difficult choice to prioritise freedom over my rights. As a woman navigating today's world, with greater rights in a system that was created by and for white men, I strongly encourage you to base your decisions on your heart and tune into its wisdom. Trust that it will provide you with the most loving and freeing approach for you. Just because you have the “right” doesn’t always mean it's the right choice for you.

Love to you all,

Krista